What do Gartners Top 10 Tech Trends for 2015 really mean?

I thought I’d put a different spin on the typical tech reporting. Computerworld published a post yesterday as Gartner lays out its top 10 tech trends for 2015 today. In it Gartner analyst David Cearley put forward the company’s Top 10 Tech Trends for 2015 at the firm’s annual Symposium/ITxpo.

So what do these mean for corporations and tech companies?

  1. Computing Everywhere = Surveillance Everywhere – yep once computing is everywhere so to is the mechanism to monitor and surveil you. Everywhere. You. Go.
  2. The Internet of Things = Sensors Everywhere – but if there’s anywhere we can’t put a computer, we’ll put a sensor. So we’ll know where you are and what you’re doing – no matter what.
  3. 3D printing = Plastic Toys – yep you’ll be able to put your logo on pointless plastic toys. 3D Printing might be the future of manufacturing (in about a decade), but in the meantime make some branded useless plastic crap.
  4. Advanced, Pervasive and Invisible Analytics = Um… what it says – Every application is analysing you apparently. So not only are you being tracked, but monitored too! Just so someone can sell your data to an advertiser via their “free” app.
  5. Context Rich Systems = In Your Face Sales – after you’ve been analysed we’ll know everything about you so just imagine how good our ads are going to be! You might as well just hand over your bank details so we can direct debit your accounts.
  6. Smart Machines = Losing your jobs to Robots – We’re working hard to replace squishy demanding humans with machines.
  7. Cloud and Client Computing = Everything in an environment of control – it’s really hard to surveil you when you distribute data across multiple machines, hard drives etc, so make it more convenient and do it all in an environment we already control.
  8. Software Defined Applications and Infrastructure = We don’t need IT – and don’t worry IT guys, you won’t get replaced by a stupid robot – it’ll be an algorithm instead. Seriously don’t worry as software is always running fully optimised and is totally stable – what could go wrong?
  9. Web-Scale IT = Buzzword bingo – we don’t know exactly what we’re talking about here, but it’s always good to have some buzzwords on one of these lists. So this is where we can say stuff like “risk-embracing culture” and “collaborative alignments”. It’s todays “synergy”.
  10. Security = Pay for surveillance – and while we skim off every usable bit of data and on sell to to advertisers you should definitely pay us so you can tell the boss “everything is secure”.

Now I’m sure Gartner wasn’t trying to be malevolent, but sometimes you’ve got to think…

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